Andy Reid, renowned auctioneer and real estate coach answers this all important question.
When you hear the phrase ‘nice guys finish last’, you are taken to that typical social construct in which people (usually men) bemoan the fact that some a**hole got the girl that they had been pining over and befriending for an extended period of time.
You get the whole ‘Nawww you’re such a good friend Andy’…a phrase that I became well-accustomed to hearing!
In more recent content commentary, this phrase has been dug into more in a business sense, with a ground swell around the fact that ‘nice operators’ can actually win if they provide ‘great service’.
In our industry, there appears to be an almost binary decision, i.e. do I have to be a ‘typical’ agent or sacrifice a certain amount of money in order to not have to pressure or ‘trick’ people into selling.
I’ve spent a large part of my life being nice, and until quite recently I have been on that side of the argument and said in various forums that nice people can win. But I’m not sure I was looking at the whole picture…
Now what I’m about to say will upset or aggravate some of you, but it needs to be said & I’m going to say it…nice agents do actually finish last.
But here’s the thing – being an a**hole is no good either! So what are the symptoms of the two, how does each side cost us, and what do we need to do in order to avoid being either of them?!
The peril of being ‘nice’
If you are an agent at this end of the scale, then you will have lost plenty of business because you thought that you were doing the ‘right thing’ by the client, only to then see the listing pop up with another agent, copping a line from the seller that sounds like ‘we really liked you, but…’!
You will have been creating a fabulous connection, possibly taken some biscuits, done a heap of running around for the client…and then got shafted because you didn’t want to pressure them into coming onto the market, only to find out that someone else did.
I hear this story more often than anything else
The big challenge for you is that, rather than trying to please, you end up living to appease, which is incredibly unhealthy by definition because in appeasing for the sake of others.
You sacrifice your own thoughts, feelings and values, you become the quintessential doormat that people take advantage of, and more importantly perceive very little value in which will (and has) cost you so much business, let alone dignity and self-worth!
The issue in society that has caused you to fall into this trap is the volume of noise that has been created around the topic of humility.
Being humble is great, but if you work, act, think permanently in and from a place defined by humility, then you end up losing any real form of identity.
Your identity is the only unique selling point you have. It’s the only discernible feature that will give you any chance of bringing a value beyond the norm, which is why so many people find that their commission is the only real bargaining chip they have when trying to win business.
And while we’re on that, the other main reason why you don’t win business as a nice agent is that you’re not showing the prospective client that you have control over what goes on.
Taking control is the assurance that sellers need to feel; they don’t need any more friends.
But nice agents act like a doctor who hears about what’s wrong with a patient and instead of prescribing a solution, asks the patient ‘What do you want to do about it? Which medication would you like?’…!
Being nice means avoiding big conversations that might hurt initially but are for the greater good, and avoiding those generally means that you’re not progressing clients which is hurting them (and you) way more than the short-term pain of facing reality.
Clients need to feel like they’re moving forward, and unless you’re out front guiding them safely then you’re going to become surplus to requirements.
Aside from all of that, too much humility leaves you lost internally; you forget who you actually are, and it has you resenting those that are doing well. We do need it, but in measured doses and at appropriate times, not as a permanent pillar of our mentality.
And on the other side…arrogance
You might not realise that you’re at this end of the scale (or you might!), but believing that you’re made out of Teflon, or that everything that comes out of your mouth is right, or more importantly right now you’re blaming other things for your quiet run which I will tackle in due time!
Arrogance is born out of a combination of old school, rusty industry thinking, bad leadership (from both within the business and some greater industry names), an inability/fear of facing criticism, and a lack of focus on personal development and improvement.
It also shows the lack of mindfulness to be able to consume information given by a consumer, which can be an inherent narcissistic trait that reflects in arrogance.
It’s the classic ‘two ears, one mouth’ ratio that appears to be ignored, leaving clients frustrated to high heaven that they haven’t been paid attention to.
They have no divine right to not be questioned, and yet these agents get offended at the mere thought that their opinion isn’t the only one that matters, even when they’re in someone else’s home (that, or they fear being questioned because they have little substance to back the style that they spend more time working on).
What inevitably happens? In the vast majority of cases, these are the ones that end up not lasting very long, because if there’s no room for self-reflection and no space for anyone else in the show, your life externally becomes very lonely too.
So what’s the middle ground?
If you were to put humility at one end of the scale, and arrogance at the other end, then the middle ground you can refer to as confidence, and this line that we play on I’ve named The Line of Confidence.
Confident agents are made by having a geek-level of knowledge, an awareness as to their position in the deal as facilitators, but also the resolve to stay true to their values.
They are clinical in their approach but own a level of understanding as to what the key stakeholders (i.e. buyers & vendors) are going through emotionally.
As Dan White said on my podcast – confident agents behave like experts, but act like a beginner, never getting complacent as to what they know and how good they are but can articulate that expertise in a way that is unequivocal in its value.
How do we make sure that we are confident? I think an easy way to check in with yourself, providing that you have the presence of mind to process the whole truth with this, could come in the form of the following questions:
- What were my wins, & why did I win?
- Where have I missed chances to win & why?
- Have I avoided any conversations to avoid risking confrontation? (e.g. vendor progress meetings, or finding out of a potential vendor is coming on board)
- Have I made any assumptions about a client’s headspace or heart-space regarding progress (in your pipeline, in your current vendor list, or in your buyer list)?
The first two questions are something of a mini SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis, in which you need to own the strengths that brought you wins, as well as identify the areas in your game that need improvement.
The last two questions will guard you against being at the extremes of this The Line of Confidence, and keep you in and around the sweet spot of confidence providing you take action to have the conversations that removes assumptions & relieves the ambiguity that’s caused by taking the easy path of appeasement.
Finally, even if you think you’re the best thing since sliced bread, understand that the minute that you think you’ve made it, is the minute that you’re no longer there.
There’s a reason why the world’s best athletes are the best – they train, they evolve, they are always looking for ways to improve. If you don’t do that once a week at least, then get ready because your competition is about to overtake!
