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What real estate agents can learn from an FBI hostage negotiator

Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss has spent decades perfecting the art of persuasion, and his strategies translate seamlessly into the world of real estate.

Negotiation is at the heart of real estate. Whether youโ€™re securing a listing, handling buyer objections, or closing a complex deal, your ability to communicate effectively can mean the difference between success and frustration.

By applying Chris’ negotiation principles, agents can build stronger client relationships, close more deals, and navigate tough conversations with confidence.

The power of active listening

One of the biggest mistakes negotiators make is focusing on what theyโ€™re going to say next instead of truly listening he explains in this YouTube channel.

โ€œThe most budget-friendly yet powerful tool in negotiations is listening,” he says.

In real estate, this means putting aside your agenda and tuning into your clientโ€™s real needs.

Sellers may hesitate because of emotional ties to their home, while buyers might be overwhelmed by financial concerns.

By demonstrating genuine empathy and validating their concerns, agents can create trust and pave the way for productive discussions.

Negotiation is not a battle, itโ€™s a discovery

Many agents approach negotiations as a contest of wills, but Chris insists that โ€œnegotiation is not a clash of arguments; itโ€™s a journey to find out what the other side really wants.โ€

A friendly demeanour, a well-timed smile, and patience can be powerful tools.

One key technique he advocates is mirroring – simply repeating the last few words the other party says.

This keeps the conversation going and encourages the other side to share more.

Combined with strategic silence, mirroring helps uncover hidden motivations that can make or break a deal.

Tactical empathy: addressing emotional barriers

In real estate, emotions run high. Sellers are parting with memories, buyers are making life-changing decisions, and agents are caught in the middle.

Chris promotes tactical empathy, a method of acknowledging emotions to defuse tension.

โ€œTactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of the other person,โ€ he explains.

By labelling emotions with phrases like โ€œIt seems like youโ€™re concerned about getting the best priceโ€ or โ€œIt sounds like timing is a big issue for you,โ€ agents can help clients feel heard and validated.

This approach strengthens bonds and fosters collaboration instead of conflict.

Start with ‘No’ – creating a sense of control

Agents often push for a quick โ€œyesโ€ to move things forward, but Chris advocates the opposite.

โ€œNo is not the end of the negotiation; itโ€™s the beginning.โ€

When clients feel pressured to agree, they become defensive.

Instead, framing questions in a way that allows them to say no – like โ€œWould it be a bad idea to consider an offer in this range?โ€ – helps them feel in control.

Once theyโ€™re comfortable, they become more open to compromise.

This technique is especially useful in pricing discussions with sellers or when guiding hesitant buyers.

The magic of โ€˜Thatโ€™s Rightโ€™

Chris stresses that the phrase โ€œthatโ€™s rightโ€ is a sign of genuine agreement. When a client says โ€œthatโ€™s right,โ€ it means they feel truly understood.

โ€œWhen you hear โ€˜thatโ€™s right,โ€™ you know youโ€™re close to a successful agreement.โ€

On the other hand, a dismissive โ€œyouโ€™re rightโ€ often signals disengagement. In negotiations, real estate agents can use this strategy by summarising the clientโ€™s concerns accurately.

For example: โ€œSo what Iโ€™m hearing is that you want the highest possible price, but you also need to sell quickly to move into your new home. Thatโ€™s right?โ€

When a client responds affirmatively, they become more receptive to solutions you propose.

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Catherine Nikas-Boulos

Catherine Nikas-Boulos is the Digital Editor at Elite Agent and has spent the last 20 years covering (and coveting) real estate around the country.